Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
