I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
