Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
