Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
