He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
