he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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