My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
