he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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