Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
