So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
