just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
