my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
