oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
