Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
