Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
