Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
