sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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