I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
