when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
