When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The ass gains better be worth it
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