I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
