I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
