She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
