I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
