I faked an abortion last night.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
