found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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