This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
