STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
