I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
