Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
