I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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