Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
