Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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