im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
