Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
