hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
