Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
