it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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