??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize