sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i believe in u and ur pee
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
