Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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