You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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