His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
