I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
