Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
