I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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