he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize