I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
