is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
