Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize