He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
