I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
