I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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