i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
