he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
