i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
