dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
