If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
