new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
