i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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