He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
being pregnant is like rehab
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
