yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
