I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
