Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
