The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
