tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
