You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
