im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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