I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
