How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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