Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
