trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
