you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
