Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
