Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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