Already got asked if we're dating
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Come see our sink grown plant.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
