for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
