My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My cat gives me a boner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
