I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
