I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
