I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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