Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
