I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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