Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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