At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
