So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
